


THE TRAGEDY OF HOW MILO BECAME A PIRATE

by SANS_TITRE



Category: Saint Seiya
Genre: Absurd, Funny, Theatre, This Is STUPID
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-16
Updated: 2018-04-16
Packaged: 2019-04-23 16:14:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14336262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SANS_TITRE/pseuds/SANS_TITRE
Summary: Milo is on the quest to become the best pirate in the galaxy.





	THE TRAGEDY OF HOW MILO BECAME A PIRATE

THE TRAGEDY OF HOW MILO BECAME A PIRATE

ACT I

MILO : Oh, lord, shain't I ever regain my homeland? This trip has taken far too long and my heart aches as I see the faces of my beautiful children, which I miss terribly by the way.

MŪ : What the hell, Milo! We've literally just walked five minutes to get to the supermarket because Aldebaran was out of salad! You don't even have children!

MILO : Have thou tried to destroy my hopes and dreams? Foul demon! I shall slice you in half like a dead pig!

_(he does so)_

ACT II

_(Milo comes back to the sanctuary, covered in blood, and for inexplicable reasons, lemon juice)_

MILO : Foes of the holy crown must perish. Praise be to the holy crown.

ALDEBARAN : Have you got my salad? 

MILO : Will you praise the holy crown?

ALDEBARAN : What is it made of?

MILO : Butter.

ALDEBARAN : No thanks. I'm a vegab.

MILO : What's that?

ALDEBARAN : A vegan who can't type properly.

MILO : In any case I have to murder you for not believing in the crown.

ALDEBARAN : Oh, shoot.

_(Aldebaran dies the same way Mū did)_

MILO : Oh will I ever understand you my friend.

ACT III

_(The scene takes place in the pope's chamber)_

KANON : So, uh, pope? I have bad news.

SHION : Tell me about it.

KANON : Them.

SHION : You?

KANON : And me.

SHION : Let's kiss.

_(they kiss, but I think you could have guessed this one without my help)_

SHION : That felt good.

KANON : Let's get naked and do the sex together!

SHION : All right you sneaky snook. But wasn't there something you wanted to tell me?

KANON :  _(naked already)_ Oh right! Milo has gone crazy and has started to murder every saint in the --

_(A sword pierces him before he can finish his sentence. He then dies, and Milo appears behind him)_

MILO : Devil of the soul, enemy of the crown. At last we meet.

SHION : Devil in the hearts, enemy of Athena, at last we fight.

MILO : Devil in the grounds, enemy of my face, at last we chat.

SHION : Devil in the bin, enemy of my radiant face, at last I can slap you.

MILO : No.

_(Shion slaps Milo. Milo starts crying)_

MILO : You're such a meanie!! I hate you!! And I hate your momma!! Wait, why are you naked?

SHION : And why are you covered in lemon juice?

MILO : I was born in a lemon tree. My blood is lemon. Look.

_(He decapitates himself in order to prove it. Lemon juice pours out of the wounds. He dies, surprisingly.)_

SHION : ...praise be to the crown.

ATHENA : What a mess.

SHION : You were here the whole time?

ATHENA : At least we can use Milo's head to play football now.

SHION : Lovely idea.

ACT IV

ALDEBARAN'S GHOST : And I never got my salad.

MŪ'S GHOST : Oh, shut up.

 


End file.
